The Discomforts of Yaoi

The Discomforts of Yaoi?

Bored out of his mind, Bartimaeus finds manga! What happens when he decides to creep his master out with it by imitating Cain Hargreaves? Slight yaoi, but only if you want it to be…

I snickered. How could I not? This whole book was cracking me up. Humans, I don't like. Their works of art and sense of imagination, on the other hand. Oh yes. That is enjoyable.

Only you can touch my scars, Riff. My, my, my, what have we here? Master-servant relationship? Between two men? The very thought made me shudder. If humans want to have fun with their servants, that's their deal. Leave me out.

However, I figured I could use this to my advantage. I turned to look over my shoulder at my master, hunched over his paper work, scribbling signatures away.

And a maybe not so perfect idea, but a fun idea nonetheless (what can I say, I'm bored), came to mind.

I turned into Cain Hargreaves from the manga, black pants, dress shirt slightly unbuttoned, and snuck up behind Nathaniel.

I wrapped my arms around him and tried not to laugh as he almost jumped a foot in the air. "Bartimaeus! What are you-"

I silenced him with a finger, smirking and making sure my green-gold eyes glinted. "Don't worry, dear master of mine," I said. I laughed internally at how red Natty-boy turned.

"Bartimaeus…" he growled.

It was everything I could not to laugh. I desperately wanted to. I tapped his lip. "No need to be so shy, John," I said. Nathaniel shoved me off.

"You got into my manga collection, didn't you?" Nathaniel muttered, loosening his tie. Well no need to say otherwise.

"May I ask why you read slop like that Godchild thing?"

Nathaniel shrugged. "A friend lent it to me, it's not actually mine. And you do realize yaoi is more entertaining if performed for an entirely female audience? Not to mention: the more forbidden the romance, the more demands there are for fan service?"

Now that was something I didn't know. "Fan…service?" Nathaniel rolled his eyes and turned to his computer. He quickly went to youtube and typed in "Hiitachin Twins Brotherly Love."

"Brotherly love? Come off it, that's not romantic," I said. Nathaniel just grinned.

"You have no idea how such a 'nonromantic' thing can be manipulated for fan service," he said, clicking on "ouran high school host club TWIINS!"

The song "Every Time We Touch" played in the background. My mouth dropped. Damn! Nat pulled one on me! You've any idea how humiliating that is?!

When the song ended, Nathaniel stood and looked at me with a very…disconcerting glint in his eyes.

"Er…John-"

"Don't speak," he said, cupping my chin. Oh…dear…not good. "You know, Bartimaeus, I prefer your Egyptian boy form."

Eh?!?!?! No. Hell no. God no! Na-ah. Not as long as I'm around!

"It's quite cute, almost…vulnerable even."

Never turning into Ptolemy around him again! EVER!!!

Nathaniel stroked my chin. What has gotten into this kid?! I need to get out of here! This is sexual harassment, I tell you, harassment!! If he wasn't my master, I'd kill him.

I'd have killed him from the very beginning before ANY of this happened, but…well…read Jonathan Stroud's "Amulet of Samarkand" for details…

"And you seem to have found an interest in yaoi…"

And here I thought it'd be fun to get him to turn red…wait a minute…I stepped back.

"You little…you were messing with me just now, weren't you?!"

Nathaniel shrugged and pointed at the door. Three girls were staring at us with blushes and wide eyed wonder.

"For the girls?" he asked.

"Is that an order?" I groaned.

Nathaniel grinned. "Only if you want it to be."

"Good, because the moment this is all over, I'm going to-"

Nathaniel grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to him. How I was going to enjoy killing him when this was over. The girls watching us screamed when Nathaniel took my hand, lacing his fingers in mine and extending it outwards.

Our lips never touched, but we were pretty damn close enough for them to if one of us leaned half an inch forward. Nathaniel grinned at me. "I'm sure the lady djinn wouldn't mind a little fan service either, Bart," he whispered.

"Trust me, not many of us care," I hissed. The door closed and Nathaniel sat down. He laughed.

"You really need to lighten up," he chuckled.

I need to lighten up!!!

Whoever it was that gave Godchild to him, I'm going to enjoy killing them slowly. It's their fault I got that damn idea in the first place.

Actually, I'm going to hunt down the person who wrote this first. It's obviously not Jonathan Stroud.